Friday, 6 July 2012


I open my eyes, barely able to stand and gasping for breath. My legs are weak and shaking and my arms hang lifelessly by my side. Everywhere hurts. There are many people around me but I am alone. I don’t see or notice these people. I am in my own world; a somewhat distorted version of reality. The sweat is dripping down my face as I gaze up towards the ceiling wondering how I found myself in this situation. I’m battered and bruised and to be honest, I’m not quite sure I’ll survive this.

After a few more deep breaths my mind focuses on the situation at hand. I remember why I’m here and what I have to do. A dark force looms over me as if nature knows what’s happening and its trying to make it even more difficult for me to complete my objective. 

I’ve failed many times in the past, but not this time! This is where I give the metaphorical finger to anyone and anything that tries to get between me and my goal. These obstacles have a fake appearance. They try to appear more intimidating then they already are, but I’m on to their game! I know deep inside that these obstacles are weaker than they appear and I will crush them into dust!

What has only been a few minutes has felt like a lifetime. But already I must push on. There no time for rest where I am. Rest doesn’t get you anywhere. This is a mental barrier that I must cross to get where I want to be. Not many people will ever be able to cross this barrier as they are still too scared of the obstacles in their way. They have no drive and determination and that is why they will be stuck, constantly spinning their wheels but going nowhere

I turn around and look in the mirror, peering in to see the reflection of myself. I look angry, but focused; tired, but determined; in pain, but motivated.
I squat down and grab my weapon. I will use this weapon to fight through the obstacles and become successful in my goal. This weapon shall make me a better person both mentally and physically, however... This weapon comes with a catch. There is a price to pay for using it and you should not underestimate its power. It will quite literally make you or break you. The worst thing about this weapon is that it also one of my obstacles! It keeps me from completing my objective yet at the very same time, I need it to reach my objective. The more I think about that concept the scarier it becomes... But there is no time for fear here. Fear will get you killed in this game, I must block out the fear and concentrate.

Still squatting, I grip my weapon tightly. The chalk fragments fall from my hands and flutter away into the air and toward the ground like a snow globe. This is the calm before the storm, but don’t let it fool you... Shit’s about to get crazy!

I get into position and see myself squatting down, griping my weapon and staring back at myself again and I can’t help but smile. I’ve been through hell and am still there but I smile anyway, because in some strange way, I’m enjoying this. With my grip firm and my body in place I prepare for my attack. This is it, no going back now! I take a few seconds to calm myself and empty my mind whilst still concentrating. I take one last deep breath... And pull!


 (Inspired by Jon North).

Sunday, 18 March 2012

The Beautiful Shame?

Remember when Football was good? Remember how simple it all was? I don't think there was anything more exciting in the sporting world than being in Primary School and being gathered together to watch Ireland play in the World Cup. Or watching your favorite team playing in the Final of what ever competition they were in.

Too bad it's all gone to shit! Before I continue, I would just like to say that I still like the sport. I still watch it on occasion and have been even known to play it the odd time. The thing is a lot of you will no-doubt hate what I'm going to say here. As such, you should either stop reading now and go back to yelling at a referee that can't actually hear you, or continue reading while keeping in mind the fact that I'm not a 'hater'; just trying to drop some factual knoweldge about this sport that everyone is trying to avoid like the fucking plague!

So back in the day, the sport was a proper sport. A MANLY sport. This is back when the the football itself was basically equivalent to a 20KG dumbbell wrapped in leather and the Goalkeepers didn't even wear fucking gloves! This was Bad-Ass-ry at it's finest. I'm pretty sure most players sustained a broken something-or-other but played on anyway because hey, it's just a bit of craic!

Nowadays, you'll get world class players - with all this new training, technological and nutritional advancements – that go down like a sack of shit every time there is a moderate to heavy breeze. It's fucking disgraceful. How about manning the fuck up and not cheating yourself into an advantage? It just seems that all-in-all it has turned into a sport for pussies. That's not to say there aren't some true, honorable footballers. Lionel Messi would be a perfect example. The dude is fucking incredible and is considered my most; the best footballer in the world, and he doesn't jump to the ground and cry when he gets tackled by an apposing player.

Onto another big issue with this sport. - Hooliganism. What the fuck!? 'Yeah bro, are team is better 'cos our gang of fans can kick the shit out of your gang of fans'. Hmm, no. How about: 'Your all morons and should go jump into the Tiger pit of the Zoo on feeding day'. It's sad and retarded.

There appears to be anger and childish issues with fans too. I see a lot of fans bitch about the other team like a group of girls bitch about that one girl they hate because she has better hair than them and tends not to be a slut but gets guys anyway. For the purpose of keeping social balance, the names of the following teams will be changed and/or altered slightly so as not to offend anyone.

So you have one team which we will call – Ham-chester United and the other which we will call LiverStool. Hamchester fans will rag on about how they are superior in every way and how they win everything. When LiverStool and Hamchester end up fixed against each other, all hell ensues. If the less superior LiverStool beat Hamchester, the Hamchester fans will pile in the excuses as to why the win was a fluke, lucky etc. Listen, they WON. Deal with it!
Similarly if fans of one team watch the other team playing (god knows why) they will criticize every play and every piece of football that happens even if the team wins. Really? Well heavens to Betsy, here's me thinking they were just playing well but obviously a team that wins is still shit... somehow.

Lets move on to the money. What the shite is going on there? Even without Advertisement and Sponsorship, these guys are raking in the money! That is bollox! Pure and simple. They get paid to do the thing they love. Fuck that, I love sleeping but I don't get fifteen grand a week to do it! They make more than Doctors (most doctors anyway). That's fucking injustice!

Overall I don't think there is much hope for the sport. I still like watching it and I still like playing it but lets face it, the future of Association Football is fucked for all eternity. It's been sucked into the black hole of corporate sponsorship, bitchy men, and ridiculous hair-dos.

The Beautiful Game is losing its beauty...

Saturday, 3 March 2012

Nor' Siide VS SouthSoyide

It seems strange to think that two sides in a county can differ so much... That is until you realise, it's Dublin and everyone automatically understands this concept.
To clarify, I'm a Northsider...*awaits cheers but then realises what was just said*... But this will in no way inhibit me from making a completely unbiased comparison, not that I'd need to try and speak ill of the Northside as it kinda does that itself by just existing! Oh I'm sorry Northside, I'd try and understand a bit better but your self-created speech impediments deny me from doing so.

Okay, I guess it's not fair to just slate the Northside because apparently, they're people too... So to make things fair... Roysh, Roysh, Skobe, D4, Daddy's Company, Heino, Where's my butler?, I have more money than brain cells.

Now that that's out of the way I can begin to make a proper comparison.



Getting around the Northside is pretty straight forward. If you walk, you'll probably end up running.

The Bus is handy except for the fact that it likes to take it's sweet time deciding what to wear before actually leaving the station and eventually getting to your bus stop. However, once it's there you can hop on (presuming you weren't stabbed while waiting an extremely long time) and it usually leaves you quite close to anywhere you want to go. Drawbacks include; It's on the Northside; it's a bus!

There is always the option of a DART, which stands for Dublin Area Rapid Transit, which I can't help thinking; Why didn't they say Rappih' instead of Rapid, it really doesn't suite the 'lingo' over here. Anyway, it's fast and effiecient however it seems to be a popular drinking place for some yobs.
Drawbacks include; It's on the Northside; it's a Train!

Your only other options include, a Nissan Mirca with more customizations than Myspace that sounds like a subwoofer was shoved in the exhaust which wll make you 'deadly' or a horse... which will make you 'deadlier dan deadly'.


The Northside has it's bad share of areas and people. It seems the more run-down an area, the more drugs you're supposed to take. The scangers that are profusely scattered around the place and like to be as anti-social as 'anti' will allow. They like to wear hoodies with the hoods up all the time, even when it's not raining but I guess that's just incase it does start raining, that way, they're ahead of everyone else... There is also a strange tradition of loitering outside shops without actually having the intent of buying anything. If you're looking for drugs, you won't have to go far... Outside your doorstep should do. There are other issues like Gangland violence and poverty which I'm not bothered getting into.

It's not to say the Northside is ALL bad, though. There are certain areas which are quite pleasant and tend to lack the rough social and residential obstacles as other areas.

All-in-all, it's a good and bad area but in my personal opinion, there is more bad than good.



There's a slightly more luxurious feel to transport in the Southside. If you're not flying to work in 'Daddy's Helicopter' you're probably driving there in your Mercedes CLS 350 or your BMW 5 Series. Or, your being driven in a limo.

As far as Southsiders are concerned, there is no such thing as the DART or Dublin Bus in that area, as a Southsider taking public transport is downright unheard of!

The only exception is of course, is, the Luas! Yes the shiny metal tram that is kind of a DART/Dublin Bus hybrid but is just as, (if not) slower than both of them combined.

I'd say there is not much walking in the Southside either. I would think Segway's have taken care of that little problem.

To be honest there not much else to say about it. As the current sterytype goes, everyones Father on the Southside owns a company and therefore means everyone has so much money, they use it as toilet paper.


Alright so again the sterotype goes, if you live in the Southside ,then that automcatically means you have a mansion for a house. This is a complete fabrication and I've been told that some areas, are WORSE than the Northside...*GASP* Yes that's right, be afraid, Northsiders, roysh? The thing is, I can't help thinking that a mugging in the Southside would be a less frightening ordeal. I picture the mugger dressed in a Pinstripe suit, holding a rare expensive double-barrel 12-gauge. The dialoge being something like: "I say old chap, would you give me all your focking valuable items? I would not want to test my 18th Centuary Shotgun on your facial structure, roysh?" I'll admit right now that besides the words 'Focking' and 'Roysh', there was absolutely no connection to the Southside with that dialoge.

So, in terms of the Southside, there are some really good and some horribly bad places to be.

To sum up, yes, I COULD have covered many other topics of both 'Sides' but the truth is, I didn't fucking want to! There is no other way to look at these 'Sides' other than... They both have good and shit places and they are both good and shit to be in. In my personal opinion, I think that it's not about IF either side has shit areas but more, HOW MANY shit areas and I think that trophy goes to the Northside. A way to describe each side would be this: The Southside is (sterotypically) A wealthy Drama queen, who's only fame is having alot of money...The Northside is (sterotypically) a poverty stricken chimney sweep, who's life goal is to be the biggest, most notorious heroin trafficker ever.

So dats da bleedin' shtory, peace out, roysh?

Social Networking Sites

Having not posted a blog in almost three years, I felt compelled to start one on something I wanted to write about.

I'm not going to bore you with the dreary facts of social networking sites, as, I feel, it would be a complete waste of time. Most, if not, all of you reading this are fully aware of the characteristics of SNS (I'm abbreviating it 'cause I'm a lazy prick) to such a point where you have all probably turned into mindless fucking zombies, drooling over the keyboard every second you get a chance. However, to maintain a bit of clarity to this blog, I'm going to mention a few facts to make it seem like I actually have a fucking clue about what I'm on about.
 Okay, first off:


This launched in 2003 and the chap involved with this is Tom Anderson. "Tom who?" you say. You know, Tom, the fellow that adds every single user (when they sign up) as a friend because (presumably) he has no real friends of this own.
The way I see it, this site never really got that popular. The only time I saw noticeable activity with this site was when everyone realised that actual bands made offical music pages. Everyone seemed to jizz in their pants with this.
In a more general view it is the music part of this SNS that keeps it somewhat popular which sort of puzzles me because every other SNS site has a music section to it so why is this site any different?
Also, generally if I wanted the hear the latest news or listen to the exclusive tracks then I would go to the actual bands website, making the whole music section in SNS sites quite redundant to say the least.
The only other sort of appealing thing about Myspace is that fact that it supports HTML and CSS. Yeah that's great... If you can code! Not that HTML is a difficult language, but most people probably don't have the slightest clue about how it works and what to do. This means that all that, 'Myspace is awesome because of the customization of the profiles', bollocks goes right down the shitter. So yes, you can customize pretty much every single detail of your profile, provided you eat fucking binary for breakfest!


Launched in 2005 by Michael and Xochi Birch, this website (for the last while) is predominantly overrun by thirteen year-old scum bags who have practically re-written the english language at this stage.
This SNS is my favourite in terms of layout. It is very user friendly and looks the part, provided your profile 'skin' doesn't contain more colours than ravers LSD trip.
This SNS became very popular and people actually talked to each other on it.
There is not much else to say about it really... It did well despite being the last of the three SNS to set up, although, at the current moment, it looks as though the site is going through a midlife crisis. The 'skins' have become oddly disproportionate. There are new features constantly being announced that no-one either asked for nor gives a shit about and overall it looks like the site is dosed up to the eyeballs in some narcotic or another. It also likes to pretend that a certain other rival SNS isn't doing better than them... Dear, oh dear.


Facebook (or as I like to call it, Facefuck or Facefail) Launched in 2004 and was created by some havard dude who goes by the name of Mark Zuckerberg.
Despite launching in 2004 it has only really gained true popularity in the last year or so, and has pretty much become the scientology of the SNS scene.
In terms of layout out, this thing is atrocious! It takes the longest time to get used to and even then you're not sure if you're doing it right. Even the the Myspace binary addicts will be like WTF?!
Like any other SNS it has privacy settings but these important features are subsequntially spoiled by the fact that, anything posted on your friends wall can be read by fucking everyone! Okay yeah sure, you could argue that in the other SNS, you can go to anyones profle and look at the comments but I can argue back that unless you have been living in a cave your whole life then you'd know you don't do that, as it can be considered by most to be, sad and pathetic. To add to this, people in other SNS must click on someones page to read what other people are saying to them, with Facebook, it practically shoves it in your face like a fat kid shoves chocolate cake in his/her face.
I must admit however, after prolonged exposure to Facebook, I have grown to like and it does have some cool features such as the 'Like' button and the photo viewer is pretty cool.
However, this does not change the fact that the only reason I use Facebook is because everyone else, one day, decided to try it out. This spread to everyone so after a small chain reaction of 'ZOMFG! Join Facebook!', it wasn't long before those last remaining few on Bebo (including myself) were alone and desolate. After discussing it with myself for a while I decided to go to the dark side and join Facebook.

This brings me to my next point.
Okay so, A SNS is where you can post pictures of yourself, write blogs, leave comments on your friends pages etc...Right? So can someone please explain to me why on earth, we went from one SNS (Bebo, which I was quite happy in) to another SNS (Facebook) to do, guess what... The same SNS bollocks we've been doing on the site previous! Why did we move from one site to another to do the exact same things?! The only thing different is that we have a shit layout instead of a decent one and we have to add all our friends again which is a complete pain the hole! I will never fathom the motive behind this!